[Happy Tears]

Last week, in the midst of trying to trust my Father, I freaked out. I panicked at my situation and the list of unknowns that sat before me. I called my mom and almost began to cry. I was stressed because couldn't find roommates for the next school year. And I was creating more stress by comparing the support that I had raised with how much money my roommate had raised (she is also doing mission work this summer). I kept saying, "I know God will provide", but in that moment those words were empty. I thought, "Maybe if I say it enough, I'll really feel it." I had asked just about everyone I knew about their future living situations and kept finding out people had already made plans, signed leases, etc. I didn't see how God was going to come through. I looked at the 25% that had been raised to for me to go to Zambia and I doubted God's calling for me to go. "At this rate", I thought, "how will I be able to get enough?" I realize now that I doubted He would provide for me because it was rooted in a deeper, quieter fear that the Lord did not love me personally. I continued to spill out my worries to my mom as she listened and poured encouraging words and love onto me in return. That night she helped me to see the hope that was ever-present in the situation, the hope that I had simply stopped seeing.

I walked back into my apartment that night, no where closer to knowing the answers to the questions I was faced with. However, I returned with a deep comfort, and was content with not knowing the future. I was blessed with the Lord's peace, but over the next few days I learned and discovered so much more.

The day after talking with my mom, I asked some friends if they had made definite plans for next school year...and if they had room for me. The next thing I knew, I was talking to two excited girls about places to live. God gave me roommates.

The day after that I checked the mail as I walked out the door for class, as is my normal routine. In the mailbox I found a letter from a friend. In it was a note that said, "Amanda, may your trip show God's unfailing love to all you meet! What a blessing you will be." With it was a check that put me at 75% of the support I need to go to Zambia. Okay, let's just pause and take in those 2 sentences. Maybe you'll want to read them again. Unable to move, I kept rereading the note and being covered with more encouragement each time. I was at a complete loss for words. I was blown away by my friend's immense generosity. I was amazed at their family's faithfulness to the Lord and how they... 1. trusted Him so much with their finances and 2. realized how they have been blessed and gave graciously to bless me, so that I can go and bless others. (It perpetuates the most amazing cycle ever.) In that moment being wonderfully overwhelmed, I-praised-God. I can barely describe how powerful this all really was, but it was so much more than an outward display of His provision. In that letter contained silent words from my Father, words spoken intimately to the deepest part of me...words to erase my doubt and fear...words to assure me of one Truth...words that said, " I-love-you."

Wrapped in the arms of my Father...and overwhelmed with His love and His blessings, I cried happy, joyful tears.